


We Fall Like Asteroids

by dustoftheancients



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Grudging Attraction, Reylo - Freeform, actions have consequences, post-hate sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-12 05:22:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11730357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dustoftheancients/pseuds/dustoftheancients
Summary: Rey sleeps with Kylo Ren once.It's dark, and she's angry. He's angry, too, though - and he leaves marks of his own.





	We Fall Like Asteroids

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the story that I wrote for vol. 1 issue 2 of the Reylo Short Story Collection. The theme was "the choice." I decided to deal with the consequences of said choice rather than the actual choice itself. It has some _lovely_ art - as does the rest of the issue - and I highly recomend reading the entire thing! You can see it all [here](http://reyloshortstorycollection.tumblr.com/post/163748114625/without-further-ado-we-present-to-you-volume-1).
> 
> Hope you like it, and thanks for reading!

****

Rey sleeps with Kylo Ren once.

It's dark, and she's angry. Angry enough that she practically growls into his mouth, that when she rakes her nails across his skin she sometimes breaks it. She leaves thin trails of bright red across his pale back.

He's angry, too, though - and he leaves marks of his own.

When they're finished she's covered in even more bruises than he is. That, too, seems like a competition.

She doesn't say anything to him before, and she doesn't say anything after. He looks her in the eye like he is daring her.

It's a mistake. She knew that it would be before she did anything, and she knows it when they're done.

Fucking.

Because that's what they did.

They _fucked._

It was hard. It was mean. It was violent. She's pretty sure that she tastes blood in her mouth afterwards.

But - and this is the worst, _worst_ part - it was _good_.

 

****

* * *

 

****

 

That mistake haunts her for much longer than it takes for her skin to heal, for the bruises to fade. It haunts her every time she sees her friends, or the General. She is reminded every time she catches a glimpse of him, still stalking around in dark clothes and refusing to talk to most of them. He only suffers them for his mother - which is, coincidentally, the only reason they suffer _him_.

But she remembers - _it_ \- the most often when she lies in her cot. She has never had sex with anyone else.

Why did it have to be him?

Why couldn't she have slept with _anyone_ else?

Why not - why not Finn? Or Poe?

Or _Anyone_?

She did it to herself, she knows. She is always, _always_ disgusted with herself when she thinks about it.

And yet-

Her hands travel, sometimes, when she remembers.

 

****

* * *

 

****

 

Rey jolts awake when Finn sets his tray by hers. He gives her that expression that means he's both amused and worried.

"Are you okay?" he asks as he takes a long sip of his caf. Her own caf has gone cold, so she doesn't bother with it. It wouldn't help anyway.

She rubs her hand down her face and nods. "Yeah, I'm just a little tired."

"You working nights now?"

"No." She shakes her head. "But it feels like it."

Finn's brows knit together. She can't quite look him in the eye. "Is something up?"

As if on cue, Kylo walks into the cafeteria. Everyone pretends that they don't notice whenever he enters a room, but she knows it doesn't fool him. And she knows that he knows she is always aware of where he is. They can always sense each other.

Rey can't help the quick glance she throws in Kylo's direction. Finn notices, although he reaches the wrong conclusion.

"If he's bothering you again, you should just go to the General. She'll tell him to back off."

The smile she tries to give her friend is little more than a stretch of the lips. "It's–that's not it, not really," she sighs, picking at her food. "It's complicated."

Finn's hand covers hers, and it's warm and it's safe. Her heart flutters a little, the same way it always does when he touches her. He gives her hand a tiny squeeze.

"I'm here for you, you know," he says. "You know I've always got your back."

Her smile turns more genuine. She squeezes his hand back. "I know," she says.

The hair on the back of her neck stands on end, and she feels a shiver run down her spine. There's a strange tug in the back of her head. An unhappy twist.

She doesn't have to search the crowd. Her eyes go to where Kylo Ren sits on the far side of the room. He is alone.

His gaze is fixed on her. On _them_. On their interlocked hands.

His displeasure seems to darken the very air around him, like some sort of simmering poison. It infuriates Rey, because he has no right to have any opinion on _anything_ to do with her.

No right at all.

She holds Finn's hand even tighter, never breaking her gaze from Kylo. She watches as his fists clench against the table, as he works the muscles in his jaw. The Force swirls dark and heavy around him, like the concentrated center of a sand storm. His tray cracks in front of him, snaps in half from a flare in his power. From across the cafeteria, the burning fury in his eyes sends a shiver down her spine.

Rey's cheeks darken. She's just not sure if it's from anger, or-

 _Or_.

She doesn't notice that Finn sees where she's looking. She doesn't see the frown.

 

****

* * *

 

****

 

There are small things at first. Innocent little questions. Friendly stares. It takes her a few days to realize what's happening.

Finn is watching her. Poe, too, but always there is Finn.

He's worried about her.

It's a little heartwarming.

It's a little annoying.

Just what it is that has Finn so worried is a mystery to Rey. Perhaps he thinks she's overworking herself. Maybe he's worried about her morale. Maybe-

He shifts closer to her every time Kylo Ren comes into view. It's just enough that it's obvious.

Kylo's expression of barely-contained contempt turns into an outright scowl at the sight. He comes to stand on the other side of the briefing table, his fists held stiffly at his sides. He's always clenching and unclenching his fists.

"Rey."

His clipped greeting surprises them both.

It's the first time he has spoken to her since-

Since.

It's hard not to recall the last time he called her by her name. Rey clamps down on the memory, but it's too late. Her cheeks are burning. Kylo stares at her from across the table.

"Kylo," she returns, because it feels like he's trying to get the upper-hand and she can't let him have the upper-hand. She tries not to sound affected.

Finn breaks the moment when he speaks.

"Took your sweet time getting here, Ren." He narrows his eyes and squares his shoulders in the way she's noticed that he does every time he's around Kylo. Kylo's glower darkens considerably.

His mouth hardens. "That's none of your business."

"That's where you're wrong-" Finn is interrupted by the entrance of General Organa. The whole room goes silent when she walks in.

She's the only one in the Resistance who carries enough respect to silence a whole room. Rey knows she used that same respect when she got the Resistance to accept Kylo Ren's help.

As far as she knows, he hasn't spoken a word to his mother since he was released from custody. He doesn't even look at his mother when she enters, he just – stills. His eyes wander back to Rey.

He stares at her throughout the entire meeting.

She tries to ignore it, to ignore _him_ , but she doesn't have much luck. His gaze feels like it has a physical weight of its own, pressing down on her lungs and making it difficult to breathe. It's not even the Force, she thinks. It's just him.

She glances his way twice. Both times feel like a battle lost, and she tightens her hands into fists when she crosses her arms.

It's so distracting –  _he's_ so distracting – that she barely hears a word of the meeting. But she hears when the General assigns a mission to Finn, whatever the mission is.

Finn looks proud to be trusted, glad to be of use. It's an important mission.

He glances at her when he accepts. It's the first time he has been assigned a mission apart from her since she got back. A part of her wishes that she was going with him, but she understands, so she gives him a reassuring nod.

Kylo, she notices, keeps an eye on their wordless exchange.

She wants to tell him to mind his own damn business.

 

****

* * *

 

****

 

Kylo wants to talk to her. She feels it every time they lock eyes. She feels it even when she avoids looking at him altogether.

It can only be about one thing, and she is _not_ going to talk about that.

It's a delicate dance she plays for a while, avoiding him like a plague while trying to act as if she isn't. It's delicate because she doesn't want to appear afraid – and she _isn't,_  she isn't afraid – but she has no intention of talking to him either. She knows he can tell she is purposely avoiding him, but she doesn't care.

She's not afraid, but she will not talk to him.

That doesn't deter him.

And eventually, of course, he corners her.

Sometimes it feels like he always has her cornered.

"There's nothing to talk about," she insists. It's a habit and a demand and a plea. He listens to none of it.

"You can't hide from what we did," he growls, and he's not nearly as quiet as she. Her heart thunders in her chest at the prospect of being overheard, but she tries to keep a level head.

Her hands are shaking.

"I told you that it was a _mistake_."

Kylo stares at her with his dark eyes and despite the chill to the base, despite her thin shirt, she starts to feel warm. He leans in a little, just enough so that she can smell the caf on his breath. The bags under his eyes are dark; he must not be sleeping.

She wonders – vaguely, in the back of her head – if she has anything to do with that.

"No, you didn't," he growls.

Rey swallows. She lifts her chin.

"Well. It was."

There are people at the other end of the corridor. Members of the Resistance. The two of them can be _seen_ , they can be _heard_. The hairs on the back of her neck raise. She doesn't want to be seen with him, after-

She feels like people will be able to tell. Just by seeing the two of them together. They'll just _know_.

Kylo sees the spark of nervousness in her eyes. He leans back, a frown pulling deep at his mouth. He clenches his hands.

"Afraid to be seen with me, scavenger?" The words are low, biting.

A spark of anger rises in her chest, and she rolls her eyes. She crosses her arms tight across her chest.

"Hardly."

She's lying, and they both know it.

His frown deepens. Her heart flutters.

Rey leaves like she's the one in control of the conversation. She tries not to make it seem like she's running away.

 

****

* * *

 

****

 

Everyone finds out anyway.

She not sure _how_ , exactly – even though she has her suspicions, she can't be sure who it was, who thought they saw something, or _guessed_ , or – but it spreads around the base like wildfire. And just like that, Rey is transformed. Whispers follow her wherever she goes, and eyes track her every move. She's being watched now.

Maybe she's turned – maybe he's corrupted her – and she can't be trusted anymore. She has slept with _Kylo Ren_. What kind of trustworthy person would fuck a monster like him?

A trustworthy person wouldn't.

It doesn't matter that he's technically no longer a part of the First Order, or that she's been invaluable to the Resistance. That single mistake becomes worse still.

How she wishes she hadn't-

Actions have consequences.

The Resistance has always shunned Kylo, for the most part; he has always been treated as a pariah. She's sure that nothing changes for him, not that she asks. But it's different for Rey. For her, everything changes. The people around her change and become distant. More than a few are disdainful.

Finn looks betrayed. He doesn't say a word, but she knows he knows.

Poe won't look at her at all.

And the General-

She avoids the General at all costs. Rey knows that she couldn't face her, not now.

So she finds herself alone. For a single moment of weakness, she makes herself an outsider once more. And somehow, it's worse than it ever was before.

 

****

* * *

 

****

 

It's his fault.

It's his fault.

It's-

"This is all your fault." She flings the words at Kylo like they can hurt him. She wishes they could.

His posture immediately stiffens, and he tilts his chin up just a little. He doesn't insult her by pretending not to know what she's talking about.

"I didn't tell the whole base about us."

"There is no _us_ ," she snaps reflexively. A muscle in Kylo's jaw ticks.

A thin smirk stretches his lips, doing absolutely nothing to hide his irritation. Darkness pools around him, thick and vile. "Poor desert rat. Does the whole base know your secret now? Is your traitor upset with you?"

Rey clenches her fists to keep herself from punching him in the face.

"Fuck you."

He doesn't break eye contact with her. "You did that already."

She punches him in the face.

The force of her hit doesn't knock him over, but it does surprise him. She can feel the shock well up between them as he covers his jaw with his gloved hand. His jaw is throbbing and her hand is throbbing and she can feel them both.

"You're _disgusting_ ," she spits.

Black fury flashes behind his dark eyes. "That's right, scavenger, blame the monster. Yet it's still you that wanted to _fuck_ the monster."

Her own fury matches his. There's a quivering in the air around them, the Force stirring in a way that raises the hair on the back of her neck. For a moment, she nearly forgets where she is, that the man standing in front of her isn't technically her enemy – not anymore.

 _Why_ did she ever let herself-

"I hate you."

The words ring between them, echoing knives in the silence. Her hand stings as if she has slapped him.

Kylo's eyes flash with something like –  _hurt –_ and she feels like she has.

He's quick to cover it up. Or, at least, he's quick to try. He clamps his mouth shut and tilts his brow and looks away for only a moment. But his hands clench so tightly at his sides that she can hear the leather squeak, and the breath he takes is too deep, too unsteady. The Force bleeds darkness like poison, his feelings seeping into the very air. He can't control them at all, not at this close range.

Rey has hurt him.

And she's glad for it. That makes them even.

She can't help but hold her breath, although she doesn't know what she's waiting for.

When he finally speaks, it's very quietly. He looks away again. "Then go."

She doesn't go. That would be letting him _have_ something, letting him-

His anger flames through the Force and he snaps at her.

" _Leave_ , scavenger."

They aren't in his room, it's just as well that _he_ leave instead of she. She won't let him tell her what to do, and her pride is already too wounded.

But – a small part of her, deep and hidden and mostly ignored, doesn't want to see-

See what?

See him hurt?

 _No_. She's glad to see him hurt.

That makes them _even_.

Rey doesn't move. She doesn't let herself.

Kylo doesn't move, either. His eyes flicker down to her lips, her neck. They both catch him doing it.

And he just gets angrier.

****

 

* * *

 

****

 

The worst moment comes not two days later, just before Finn leaves on his mission.

He hunts Kylo down in the hallways. Rey senses the confrontation coming from the other side of the base.

It will be a catastrophe. She knows it will.

She arrives before they start trading blows.

But only just.

Finn's hands are clenched into fists. He doesn't seem to notice that they've attracted a crowd. Rey has to move some people aside to even get close.

"-that you did that to her. You're a disgusting excuse for a human being."

Rey is about to step in – because this will only end in a disaster, it already _is_ a disaster – but Kylo beats her to it.

"What," he sneers, tilting his head to the side. The Force swirls around him like a vortex, violent and unstable. Rey knows the next words out of his mouth will be terrible. "Is the scavenger ruined? You don't want her now that I've _spoiled_ her?"

Ice runs through her veins, and then fire. She wants to _hit_ him-

Finn roars and charges. He tackles Kylo around the waist and knocks them both to the ground. But Rey sees the glint of darkness in Kylo's eyes right before he goes down, she feels his power spiking. She knows that he wants a fight.

And Finn is only too happy to give it to him.

Unarmed, Finn could die in a moment. But Kylo doesn't pull out his lightsaber – that wretched thing that no one has ever managed to confiscate – and he doesn't use the Force. He blocks a blow to the head with his forearms and kicks Finn off him. Rolling to his feet, Kylo lands a solid punch to Finn's gut as he scrambles up himself.

Fear replaces rage in an instant as she watches her friend double over. She remembers all too clearly the wounds Kylo gave him on Starkiller.

"What are you _doing_?" She chokes out. "Finn!"

He doesn't listen to her. He just leans away from another half-aimed punch which leaves Kylo exposed on his side. His knee connects with Kylo's stomach, payback.

"Kylo!"

She receives no acknowledgement. The Force still swirls around him like a dark maelstrom that's only gaining momentum, and she can't reach through it.

So she jumps into the fight herself.

Grabbing Kylo's arm with both hands, she throws off the punch he was getting ready to throw. She twists his arm around, forcing him to break his stance to avoid breaking his arm. With a growl he follows her.

But he adjusts quickly and uses the momentum to spin her along with him, throwing her out of his way. It leaves him open to a kick from Finn.

Rey just barely manages to keep her footing, but Finn's kick lands right in the side of Kylo's leg, knocking him down onto one knee. She scrambles back so he doesn't take her down with him.

Before Finn can take advantage of Kylo's position, Rey grabs him by the shoulders. Her fingers fist into his jacket. Putting herself between them, she gives him a hard shake.

"Finn, _stop_. This isn't helping." She gives him another firm shake.

He looks like he is about to push her away, but she refuses to let go. He's breathing heavily. "It's helping me."

She feels rather than sees Kylo push himself to his feet behind her. She tightens her hold on Finn's shirt.

Rey can't help but glance back at Kylo. His lips are set in a hard line, his eyes are smoking fire. His fists clench and unclench at his sides. He still wants a fight.

But everyone around them-

People are staring. A few have their guns pulled. And none of them are aimed at Finn.

She realizes, then, the severity of this. The way it looks.

It could actually be dangerous for him. For Kylo.

The people of the Resistance are just looking for a good enough excuse. She finds that she will not let them have one. Not here, not because of this.

She steps away from Finn a little, just the tiniest bit closer to Kylo. She doesn't know what draws her to him, but she doesn't resist it. Can't. He watches her every move.

Slowly, she presses her hand against his chest. A warning-

Or a reassurance.

Kylo looks at her with incredulity. His hands unclench at his sides.

Rey swallows. His chest is warm, his heart thunderous behind his ribs. How can he live with that, with it beating like that?

Finn snatches her other hand, shattering the moment. She looks back to find him watching them with a distinct frown.

"Rey, we need to talk," he decides.

She nearly jumps out of her skin when she feels the leather of Kylo's glove brush the back of her hand, her fingers. Finn's eyes flicker over and she immediately drops her hand from Kylo's chest, breaking the contact. It feels like she's been caught, although she's not sure what she could be caught doing that's worse at this point.

"Alright," she nods, but only when she's sure no one is pointing their blasters anymore.

Kylo doesn't say anything when Finn drags her away, but she feels the Force darkening around him. It feels like she's running from a storm.

****

 

* * *

 

****

 

Finn takes her to the hangar, where the ship that will deliver him to his mission is already being prepped. No one pays any attention to the two of them, and for that Rey is grateful.

It's a small mercy.

Finn stops before they're close enough to be eavesdropped on. The hangar doors start to open to the frigid air outside just as he's about to speak. Finn keeps his eyes on it, even when he drops her hand.

His nostrils flare and he can barely look at her.

"Did he force himself on you?" She can't decide if he's asking her or accusing Kylo.

Her eyes widen. She can't help it.

He – wants her to say yes, in some way. She can see it in his gaze. He wants only to blame Kylo Ren. He wants her to be innocent.

She could say yes. People wouldn't look at her so awfully if they thought Kylo – had done that. _Finn_ wouldn't look at her like that.

Yet.

It had been good. _He_ had been good.

And it had been her decision. Rey can't deny that, and – she finds that she cannot lie about it, either.

She can't do that to Kylo.

Out of all things, she can't do that.

"No," she mumbles, "of course not."

Finn's expression shifts. It sinks and it hardens, and his tone matches. "Of course not?" He echoes. "So, what? You just-"

" _No_. It's not like that, either."

Finn pulls away from her. "Then what's it like, because I'm having a really hard time imagining what could possibly make you do something so," he trails off. "So wrong."

Rey can't help but turn away from her friend. Outside the hangar, the sun is setting, but it's hidden behind the clouds. It's started to snow, just a lazy fluttering of white flakes in the breeze. The chill cuts to her bones.

"I'm sorry," is all she can say.

He says nothing.

Then he sighs.

"I'm sorry, too."

She looks back at him, half in hope, and half in despair. It feels like she's ruined their friendship forever. Her heart clenches in her chest, and she can barely swallow.

"I don't hate you," he says as if he can read her thoughts. "I just. Thought you were smarter than that. I thought you saw through him."

"I-"

She wants to say that she does see through Kylo. She wants to say that she knows that he's still _wrong_ , still _twisted_. That she can see the darkness that festers around him like a fog.

And she does. She does see that.

But that only makes it worse.

She lifts her chin, more out of habit than anything else. It's difficult not to cry. "I'm not proud of it, Finn."

His gaze is as clear as ever when he nods. "I know. But I'm going to need some time to come to terms with this. That this–happened."

There's nothing to say to that, really. Rey is just glad that he's going to _try_.

"Just–promise me it won't happen again. Please."

Rey looks at her friend.

She blinks.

"Of course it won't."

Finn looks like he doesn't quite believe her.

 

****

* * *

 

****

 

Rey doesn't see Kylo for over a standard week after that. She doesn't –  _look_ for him, per se, but she notices his absence.

He's still there on the base.

He's just not _there_.

She doesn't see him.

Even in the Force, his dark storm feels distant. Closed off. He doesn't want to see her, she supposes. And it's fine –  _preferable_ , really – because the people around the base don't need anything more to gossip about.

Rey doesn't want to see him.

But-

She always looks when she enters a room, trying to see if he's there.

That's a battle lost, too, in some way.

 

****

* * *

 

****

 

Kylo Ren's back is unmistakable.

Rey finds that she can recognize him anywhere, and at any distance, when she spots him in the dead of night, about to turn a corner on the other end of the hall. Her heart stutters and she's suddenly glued to the spot. Something wells up in her chest, although she's not quite sure what it is until her voice splits the dim silence.

" _Stop_!"

There's no one else in the hall at this time of night. Even outside, she knows that the world is silent, nothing but the moon and the cold. Maybe that's why she finds herself calling out to him. Maybe she's just fed up with the whole thing, and she wants to have it out with him once and for all-

She doesn't think.

There's a pit growing in her stomach, dark and twisting and angry. She doesn't want to know what it is.

Kylo stops. It almost surprises her, that he would obey her command. That he would give in to it.

Then he turns around, and she sees that he hasn't given in at all.

Darkness clings to the air around him, humming and warm. It's not as off-putting as it should be, this late at night. But his expression is steely cold.

He waits for her to come closer. Each step feels strange and staccato. He bites out, "What do you want, scavenger?"

The Force spikes between them. It feels a little like static electricity.

She's still angry at him for fighting Finn. She's angry at him for simply _being_ there, dark yet somehow on their side. Like that makes any _sense_.

And she's furious that she slept with him even once.

Why did she let herself give in-

Rey doesn't say a word when she gets close enough. She doesn't stop walking until she is right in front of him, having to crane her head back to maintain eye contact. He stares right back down at her.

It feels like he's daring her.

She shoves him once in the chest, hard. He stumbles back a step, but still manages to catch her wrists before she tries again. His expression turns thunderous.

For a moment, they're frozen.

She can pull away. She can kick him, or twist out of his grip and try to get a punch in. Or she can try talking to him, for whatever good that's ever done either of them. She can _do_ something.

She can pull away.

Kylo's grip gets tighter. It's almost painful, and she knows it will bruise.

 _Fuck_.

She doesn't pull away.

She makes a second mistake.


End file.
